An East Lyme woman who survived a terrifying act of domestic violence is sharing her story, knowing she is one of the lucky ones, and also knows her story may help someone else.
Nancy Tyler finds peace in the gentle breeze and sounds of nature from the porch of her East Lyme home. It’s a far cry from where she’s been.
"It was extremely terrifying. It was a take your breath away, heart pounding, just breathe, just breathe kind of day,” Tyler said.
The mother of two endured years of domestic abuse.
"I started to admit to myself that this could not go on the first time he put his hands on my neck and tried to strangle me,” she said.
It all came to a head on July 7, 2009, the final day of a bitter divorce. On that day, Tyler’s ex-husband abducted her at gunpoint.
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"He directed me to drive to the home where we had lived together as a family ... so I did that,” Tyler said.
Once inside the home, Richard Shenkman called police. He warned them that he’d wired the house with 65 pounds of explosives.
"She has to die, she has to die right now,” Shenkman can be heard saying on 911 recordings.
"He let me call them, call my children and say goodbye to them,” Tyler said. She said she believed she was going to die that day.
“I prayed a lot that day," she said.
She relied on her faith as the SWAT team moved in.
"He said over and over again, 'this only ends one way,'" she said.
Tyler was held hostage for an extricating 12 hours.
"He became crazed, yelling, screaming, heavy breathing- angry. very angry,” she said. “At one point, he did shoot the gun at the wall.”
"The adrenaline was running so high in me, I could barely breathe," she said.
Tyler said it didn’t seem like anything would be enough to make him give up or let her go. Then, she saw her chance.
"Something she said prompted him to run upstairs. And I knew at that point, this was it, this was my last chance," Tyler said.
"He had handcuffed me to a screw in the wall and I was able to unscrew it and I ran,” she recalled.
"Thinking about 'Do I open the door? Do I not open the door? Is it really wired for explosives? Is he this crazy?'," Tyler said.
"I didn't have any choice. It was a take a deep breath and open the door and run. And that's what I did," she said.
Tyler said the thought of her family gave her the strength to make the decision.
"It was fear, it was regret - thinking, am I leaving? Am I not going to see them again? Am I not going to see them grow up?," Tyler said.
She took her fate out of the hands of her abuser. She escaped, just moments before Shenkman burned the house to the ground. He made his own getaway, into the hands of police.
“There are a lot of women who don't get out. And I think about those women,” Tyler said.
Her terrifying ordeal was the culmination of nearly a decade of tumultuous marriage.
"I was a classic victim. Kept it all inside, tried to deal with it in the privacy of the home and didn't seek help,” she said.
"A lot of verbal abuse, a lot of emotional abuse, financial abuse. A lot of it just comes down to control."
It took years, but Tyler found a way to take back control of her life. Today she sits on the board of the Connecticut Coalition Against Domestic Violence (CCADV).
“We are the resource where victims, nearly 40,000 a year - reach out to at one of Connecticut’s 18 domestic violence organization sites for help,” explained Karen Jarmoc, president and CEO.
A decade ago, Tyler had no idea that kind of help was out there. Now, she’s making sure other victims do know they’re not alone.
"It's been a way to turn my terror, my tragedy - to the extent it was a tragedy - into something positive for somebody else, she said.
Tyler is surrounded by positivity these days. She calls her garden her sanctuary, a peaceful place that’s allowed her to move on from the past and embrace her future.
"I got out. Nobody died. My family is safe. My friends are safe So yes, I'm definitely one of the lucky ones,” she said.
Shenkman is currently serving 70 years in prison. Tyler is a lawyer who’s dedicated to helping CCADV get the work out about its services – and the need is great.
The group says on average, 12 domestic violence victims are killed in Connecticut every year. Research has found those victims haven’t reached out for help.
If you or someone you know might be the victim of abuse, or if you’re looking for more information on domestic violence resources, visit http://www.ctcadv.org/ or call the Connecticut Domestic Violence Hotline at 888-774-2900.
